hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
