i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
