You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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