A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
