I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
