You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
