sarcasm needs its own font
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
