How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
