Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she peed on how many people?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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