3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
