So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
