I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
