Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
