I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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