my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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