doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
