I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
