I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
