Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
