my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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