I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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