wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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