Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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