The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
