I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
