Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
