Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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