I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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