Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
