I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
