It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
