i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
