Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How naked do you want me to be?
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