from now on my penis is your penis
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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