remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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