I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
