and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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