just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
