At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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