The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's like heaven, but drunker
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want to make out with him forever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
