just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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