i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
