ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
