VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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