You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
