need another drink. this is the easiest way
My room smells like vodka and shame
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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