If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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