he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize