Cold hands, warm shart.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
