Me too!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
