i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus