im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.