cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.