he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain