girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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