I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
