I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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