Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
