he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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