margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
