just tell him i said nine months
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm like, not good at living.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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