I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
