god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
