Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
