How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
