i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
