i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
