What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
